Thursday, May 31, 2012

Guys, There Is Such A Thing As Too Much LSD

I get a few videos sent my way on my youtube channel, usually they are music videos, occasionally there are a couple of questions about my thoughts on a particular scientific or political topic, but one of my first subscribers has taken to sending me his, um, spiritual training videos. Now I am fully aware that he is spamming thousands with them in the hopes of getting as many people as possible to pay for his program, but yesterday I actually found twenty spare minutes in my day to finally take a look at one of them. After all, my interest was piqued with the title "How To Have A Metamorphosis Of Your DNA!" as part of a series of videos involving "Superhero Training". This should be fun.

I was expecting to be far more amused and far less annoyed. A part from the weird dude in the blue pajamas at the beginning, the grating pronunciations of  the words "lychee" and "metamorphosis", and the random pig that just appears out of nowhere (that one at least was a little cute), I was surprised at just how incoherent these two are. I was expecting some semblance of an argument, albeit a ridiculous and scientifically ignorant one, but this was just amazing.

If unlike me you do not have twenty minutes to spare to watch the whole thing for yourself, let me transcribe one of my favorite incoherent ramblings:

So, you know, I look at myself today 'cause we're all like sort of becoming our own hero, because you have such underdeveloped DNA potential that you couldn't imagine, remember you're only two, strands activated like having a car that has twelve cylinders let's say or a lot of cylinders and you only have two activated now wouldn't you be sort of curious to see how it would run on maybe two and a half cylinders, or maybe three? And what would you have to do to do that? Mmha, a lot of different upgrades, or what we call terrain modifications, that we sort of have been playing with for many years and you've been playing with a lot of the terrain modification for this thing up here, the supercomputer, and I've been doing it for this little machine also called the, the dream machine, yeah, we dream this thing and actually it does what we want to at light speed and of course, you don't know how to do this do you? (opening and closing his hands) Do it. Try it. You open your hands in and out, only to dream this motion behind the scenes thousands and thousands of reactions are going along circulating your blood as I focus my eyes, as I hold my urine, as I do nothing, because this realm we're talking about, the realm that he's talking about here is sort of like the invisible realm or the mythological realm or the realm that maybe we don't "preceive" as real. 

My head hurts, mostly because that facepalm was a little too hard.

Of course they follow up by saying that scientists are telling us all how to make "microadjustments" to our DNA by thinking them into existence. I'm sure that you all know that it is a bunch of made up crap. There's no point in me pointing out that the double-stranded helix is simply referring to the structure of DNA and that there are actually billions of copies in our bodies, where they are all partially activated, and that there are no "other strands" to "activate" just waiting around, and that DNA is not the energy power source of our bodies, etc. etc. 

I was expecting to respond to a little amusing pseudoscientific tinkering, but this far beyond response. The most shocking part is it only has 3/42 dislikes, and most of the comments are from people who actually think these two are speaking wisdom, let alone capable of forming a coherent and grammatically correct sentence. Do they filter the comments section? Or perhaps they're not spamming as many people as I thought with their videos, but maybe subscribed to me and send me them because they saw videos of mine with titles like "Alternative Medicine" not realizing they are bullshit? Or do more people than I want to believe actually buy this crap?

Incidentally I do know quite a few people that are into this New Age-y crap, but none of them are this bad at explaining themselves. The ones I know are relatively intelligent people, if scientifically illiterate, overly empathetic and quite gullible. In fact the only person I know that comes close to this level of incoherency is my one friend who did far, far too much LSD in her life.

So guys, I'm sorry to say I think you've wrecked your heads quite permanently. I hope the effects are reversible, but you should probably stop doing those drugs now. If it's been a few years since your blow-out days, then I'm afraid you're stuck with the damage. 

Just please take me off the mailing list, I don't get any amusement out of it.

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