Friday, January 20, 2012

Thoughts On: Bad Sex Advice

Well we haven't talked about sex in a long time have we? Time for a little Pervocracy style post I wanted to share with you all.

As you might have gathered, I can be quite candid when speaking to people, especially my friends. What you might not know is that I have always been more of a guy-friend type of girl, and all of my close female friends are just as guy-ly candid and blush-free as I am. It is because of this that I tend to talk to my male friends about sex, and it has come to my attention that a lot of them have received some terrible sex advice. Worse, this horrendous advice passed by unnoticed of its terrible qualities why? Because it was given to them by women.

This is why I feel that there needs to be a bit of a public service announcement in this regard. There are two things that you really need to know when it comes to the advice you receive, especially advice from women:

1. There is no "what women want". Guess what, women actually have their own personalities. Shocking right? They're different. If you want relationship advice from a female friend, make sure you are asking a female friend that has the same type of personality as the girl you are looking to go out with. If not disregard it, or at least take into consideration that it may not be accurate or apply to all women.

Case in point: My male cousin was once told, at a young impressionable age by an older female cousin of his, that when women say no it means try harder, because if a woman goes out with you she totally wants to bed you but she has to be coy to save face, so keep being insistent. I hope I don't sound too antifeminist myself when I respond BITCH YOU CRAZY?! Luckily, my cousin is not the aggressive type so he never actually took this terrible advice, particularly lucky because he is a minority living in the US and is in to white girls (that could have gone terribly terribly wrong).

2. Do not think you know a woman's vagina better than she does. I cannot stress this enough.

In the same vein as before, you have to understand that every woman's vagina is different. Some are more sensitive, others less so, and women are just in to different things, so something that makes one woman scream with pleasure could seriously hurt another. If you propose something and that woman says no that will hurt me I don't like it, don't think you know better than she does. You might suggest she try it if she hasn't before, talk her through it, but if she says no then drop it.

Case in point: I once had a guy that was in to using his teeth, and when bragging about his cunnilingus prowess (isn't that the most disgusting yet oddly hilarious word you've ever heard? cunnilingus I mean, not prowess) he mentioned a part of his routine involved teeth. I said FUCK NO. No teeth. Not happening. I am particularly sensitive down there. I once plucked a hair and I got those up-the-nose tears that you get as an automatic reaction to getting punched in the nose. So he, being the arrogant I-am-a-master prick that he was, completely disregarded what I said and when he got all up in my business he took out the teeth and scratched. Let's just say he deserved a much harder kick in the face than the one he got out of pure unexpected shock. Point being: I have a vagina. You don't. Even if you do have one, or your advice came from someone that does, you still don't have my vagina, so if I tell you I don't like something or that it hurts I mean it.

I have always been an advocate of critical thinking and not taking anything you hear at face value. I think that men need to know that this also goes for sex advice, even advice that comes from a woman. Sure there are some things that are more widely appreciated by the female sex, and sure advice from a woman has a higher chance of being accurate as you know she's not pretending to have expertise to save face, however this does not mean that everything that women have to say about women is golden. Otherwise it would be too easy, am-I-rite?!

No comments:

Post a Comment