Monday, November 28, 2011

Word To The Wise: When No Means No And When It Means Try Harder

This was something that I felt needed a little clarification for all of the guys out there still scratching their heads over the complexity of female desires. It was originally brought back to the forefront of my mind by a post on Greta Christina's blog about an article, written by a woman no less, saying that just once in her life a woman should be wildly and passionately pursued by a man. Of course this prompted a slew of stalking story responses from females detailing how horrible it can be to be, myself included.

Now I already know that this has quite a few men wondering what the hell they're supposed to do. On the one hand no one wants to be a creepy stalker. On the other hand, many women love romance and play hard to get. All the rom coms show men going to the end of the Earth, stopping planes from taking off or traveling half across the globe to gallantly declare their undying love to their beautiful soulmate, and all the women in the theater alongside them are crying and moaning that they would kill to have such a demonstration of love. So what the hell do these women want?! We all know that no is supposed to mean no, but what about when it doesn't? How are these poor men supposed to tell the difference?

On one hand I do kind of get them, although this is partially their fault, or rather the patriarchal society that we live in. While the number of confident feminists is on the rise in many places, there are still the vast majority of women that can't afford to get a "bad reputation". You can't immediately say yes to a guy that shows some interest in you, what if he thinks you're a total slut? What if all he wants you for is a roll in the hay, while promising you so much more? What often results is a careful game during which the woman will assess just how seriously she is wanted by this man. If he's not particularly interested he'll wander off and not call back. If he is he'll persist, and at the same time respect her more for not being so easy. But what if she's not interested at all, or she definitely wants to break off the relationship? How is the man supposed to know which is which?

Well we think we're being pretty obvious, but since some men seem to need a little help I figured I'd come forward and explain a few straightforward signals to you in order to be able to distinguish the two.When approaching the woman in question, does she

1. Look up and away when turning down your date, or look you straight in the eye and say no?
2. Laugh and slap you on the arm when you tease her, or flinch when you touch her arm?
3. Answer the phone regularly when you call, or let it go to voicemail often?
4. Have plans with her friends often, or get short tempered when you ask her out?
5. Never answer you directly when turning you down, or say please when asking you to stop?
6. Say "maybe" and "I don't know" a lot, or tell you to move on?
7. Is quite giggly, or impatient?

If she tends to say the first part of these scenarios, get nicer and try again. If it tends to be the second, forget it and leave her the hell alone. Honest women will be direct when they're not interested, don't try to pressure her in to changing her mind.

This will seem ridiculously obvious to many men out there, but personal experience has taught me never to take men knowing these things for granted. \There is not a single woman I know well that has not had a man in her life that didn't know how to take no for an answer. I hope these little tips will help those of you out there who need a little guidance with what women want.

And to the girls out there, are there any signals that I've missed?

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